Buyers and Cellars/Transcript
Starting *'Player:' Greetings! Any news of late? *'Man:' Some big fellow came up to me a while ago and gave me this nonsense. *'Player:' Thanks. Lumbridge Guild of Thieves? *'Man:' The fellow must have been insane. *'Player:' Why is that necessarily madness? *'Man:' This is Lumbridge! I could imagine a thieves' guild in Ardougne or Burthope, but all we have here is root cellars! And it was a root cellar that the fellow ran off to, to boot. *'Player:' Mind if I hang on to this? *'Man:' Not at all; I don't want this. *You receive a carefully handmade flyer *'Player:' Thanks. The Flyer *''Read Dodgy flyer'' *'Player:' Hmm... 'Darren Lightfinger, Chancellor of the Lumbridge Guild of Theives, requests your presence at the First Annual Selection of Appointees.' 'If you have ever dreamed of making a name for yourself, and making your fortune at the same time, now is the best opportunity you will ever have!' 'The world-renowned Lumbridge Guild of Theives is recruiting new members to be shown a new world of profit and derring-do' 'Commisions, fame and the adulation of your peers and of the opposite sex will be your fate as a successful applicant.' 'and your life will never again be the same!' It says to apply to the Lumbridge Guildhouse. Wonder where that is... Lumbridge Guildhouse Robin *'Player:' Hello there. *'Chief Thief Robin:' Greetings. I’m Robin, the Guildmaster’s assistant. Now, what can I do for you? **'Player:' That’s an appropriate name. ***'Chief Thief Robin:' Yes, I’ve never heard that one before. Still, it’s not so bad…If I hadn’t been mocked for my name as a lad, I might never have decided in a fit of ironic pique to learn how to rob from the rich and give to the poor. ***'Player:' Are you the poor in question? ***'Chief Thief Robin:' Well, I was. Having given myself the goods stolen from several rich people, I’m now of limited but comfortable means. No, what can I do for you? **'Player:' How long have you known the Guildmaster? ***'Chief Thief Robin:' Oh, some time now. We started in business together when he was a con artist, talking people into handing over their hard-earned valuables with lies and vague promises of reward. Obviously, that’s all behind us now. Now, what can I do for you? **'Player:' Bye for now. Darren Lightfinger *'Darren Lightfinger:' Ah, come in, come in! I was just about to get started! **'Player:' Don't let me stop you. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Ladies and gentlemen of Lumbridge! Tonight, I stand before you to offer you the ultimate in opportunities! I offer you the chance to make your mark on a society rife with imbalance and folly. I offer you the chance to redistribute the wealth of our very civilization! I offer you the freedom to live your life without the need to worry whether your rent will be paid this month. I offer you the skills to pay your way through the costs everyone must face. I offer you vengeance against those who take and take yet give nothing in return. I offer you justice at its most fundamental level! Some will say that I am a scofflaw, a thief, a brigand... These people are correct! But if I scoff at the law, it is because the law as we know it is a tool that 'The Man' is using purely to keep us in our place. If I thieve, it is from those who have more than they deserve and more than they need. And if I am a brigand, it is only by the standards of those whom I, er, brig. If you join me I can offer you every opportunity for reward and for fame, or at least infamy. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your destiny. Welcome to the preliminary course, you fine members-in-waiting of the underworld gentry! Here you will discover the techniques, the tricks, the training and the trials that mark your passage into this hidden elite. Here you will become the best of the best, joining the ranks of the steely-eyed exploiters of this world's bloated social parasites in a quest for community justice and personal enrichment! You will - Yes, we have a question? ***'Player:' Is this it? The 'world-renowned' guild is a cellar with two blokes and a straw dummy lurking in it? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Well... ***'Player:' How long has this guild been in operation? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' ... ***'Player:' Yes? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Two weeks. ***'Player:' And what is it you need done by your new members? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Here's what we need: money! ***'Player:' Really? You amaze me. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' I know it's hardly the most high-flying goal, but we need to start somewhere. To be precise, we need to start by expanding this cellar into a headquarters befitting a major player on the global crime stage. ***'Player:' I take it you have some sort of plan for doing this? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Of course I do. In Lumbridge Castle's bank is a golden chalice of particular workmanship and value. I have found a willing buyer for it, and now it merely remains to 'collect' the item in question. ***'Player:' From the bank's vault. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Correct! And since the vault is not easily breached, we shall need the key from its owner. ***'Player:' Its owner being? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' I shall send my right-hand man, Robin, to determine that as soon as I may. He shall be around to brief you in the castle grounds. Then you must merely acquire the key by stealth or by force, open the vault, return the chalice and... ***'Player:' You seem to be assuming a certain amount here. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Oh, but of course you'll help! I can offer you the best of training and the greatest of rewards for your assistance... In fact, let me have a look at your techniques and see what we can do with you. **'Player:' What are you doing down here? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Why, recruiting! Recruiting agents for a glorious destiny and fantastical missions of derring-do. White suits, classy cocktails, fast carts…a wealth of rewards await my guild’s members! If only I could have convinced Ozan to sign on with us. Such a pity… A master thief like him would have been perfect for my plans. Anyways, would you like to stay for the explanation? ****'Player:' Do tell. *****''Goes to "Ladies and gentlemen of Lumbridge!"'' ****'Player:' And what is it you need done? *****''Goes to "Here's what we need: money!"'' **'Player:' No, thank you. Preparation *'Player:' Oh, very well. *'Darren Lightfinger:' Splendid! Let's get you set up, then. This is the Mark 1 training dummy. It is designed for maximum pocket size and minimum observational skills, which, seeing as it is made of wood, straw and canvas, was not hard to achieve. It will suffice for early training and for testing, but if you have any talent at all it will not be of use to you for long. Right, I want you to pick the pocket of that dummy as sneakily and as delicately as you possibly can. *'Darren Lightfinger:' That was very nicely done, young sir/madam. I think you're quite ready enough for the big wide world. Unless you'd like some advice? **'Player:' No, I think I've got the hang of this. ***''Goes to "Can we get started?"'' **'Player:' What can you teach me? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Just keep picking that dummy's enormous canvas pockets and I'll give you the benefit of my wisdom. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Remember: loose fingers, tight wrists! Do it again. Again! ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Calm but quick it, that's the ticket. Again! ***'Darren Lightfinger:' It's the eye of the kyat, it's the will of the heist... Again! ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Handkerchief on, handkerchief off. Well, no, just handkerchief off, actually. Again! ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Oom-pah-pah! Oo... Wait, no, that's the second act. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Once more with feeling! **'Player:' Can we get started? I'm ready. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Excellent! Have a word with me again in a second, then, and we'll get you on your way. *'Darren Lightfinger:' Greetings, my young recruit! You return! *'Player:' Can we get started? I'm ready. *'Darren Lightfinger:' Excellent! I shall let Robin know he should expect you, then. Do you know what to do? **'Player:' Remind me again? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Head over to Lumbridge Castle's courtyard; Robin should have found out the identity of the chalice's owner by then. At that point, you just need to get the key by any means necessary, open the vault and then come back here with the chalice. ***'Player:' Why can't you do this? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Oh, Robin and I are both too well known; anyone with valuables would be instantly on their guard. No, I'm afraid it will have to be you doing the dirty work this time. Don't worry, you'll get a chance to see me in action some other time! **'Player:' Yes. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Best of luck then. ***'Player:' Thanks. Some Extra Help Robin *'Player:' Hello there. *'Chief Thief Robin:' The Guildmaster wanted me to be on hand in case you needed some more hints on picking pockets. Now, what can I do for you? **'Player:' I'm always willing to learn. ***'Chief Thief Robin:' When you're on the prowl for pickpocketing targets, it should be fairly obvious who's not paying enough attention to the world around them. Just saunter up to them all casual-like, then dip your hand into their wallets as gently and as neatly as you can. If you succeed, you'll get some of the contents of their pockets; it not, they'll likely punch you in the face, so be warned. It stings, and you'll need a moment to gather your wits. ***'Player:' Thanks, Robin. ***'Chief Thief Robin:' You can use the training dummy if you'd like, but after a while you'll need to switch to real marks if you want to improve. **'Player:' I’ve got it, thanks. ***'Chief Thief Robin:' You can use the training dummy if you’d like, but after a while you’ll need to switch to real marks if you want to improve. Now, what can I do for you? **'Player:' Any advice for me? The guildmaster says you'll be shadowing me on this operation. ***'Chief Thief Robin:' Yes, I'm heading out to the castle shortly to pick up any information that might help you. ***'Player:' Anything I should know? ***'Chief Thief Robin:' This caper should be simple enough, since your mark won't be on his guard. I'll be able to tell you more once I've had a chance to look around, but it should be a matter of finding the chalice's owner, stealing the key, and taking the chalice out of the bank. ***'Player:' See you there, then. **'Player:' Bye for now. Darren Lightfinger *'Darren Lightfinger:' Greetings, my young recruit! **'Player:' Can we try out that testing dummy again? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Of course! Right, I want you to pick the pocket of that dummy as sneakily and as delicately as you possibly can. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' That was very nicely done, young sir/madam. I think you’re quite ready enough for the big wide world. Unless you’d like some advice? ***''Goes to dialogue in "Preparation" section'' **'Player:' How's the guild coming along these days? ***'Darren Lightfinger:' We're really only getting started at the moment. I've made a training dummy to practice on, but we'll need funds if we're to begin to command any respect. Anything else I can do for you? **'Player:' I'd like to talk about the caper I'm doing for you. ***'Darren Lightfinger:' Have you retrieved the chalice? ****''Before meeting Robin in Lumbridge'' *****'Player:' Not yet. *****'Darren Lightfinger:' Head to Lumbridge Castle as soon as you may, then; Robin will meet you there. ****''After meeting Robin in Lumbridge'' *****'Player:' Not yet, but I’m in its trail. ****''After failed attempt at getting chalice'' *****'Player:' Robin and I have a plan to get the key off its owner. **'Player:' Sorry, I was just leaving. Lumbridge Castle *'Chief Thief Robin:' The purple owl croaks at dawn... *'Player:' Um, does it? *'Chief Thief Robin:' Oh, never mind. I've some information for you. *'Player:' Go ahead. *'Chief Thief Robin:' The chalice is no longer being held by the bank. Seems that the owner withdrew it a couple of days ago and wandered off in the direction of Lumbridge Swamp... a wild-haired old man with a bad temper. *'Player:' Who'd want to live in a swamp? *'Chief Thief Robin:' Someone who wants to be left alone, I imagine. *'Player:' Looks like that's my next stop, anyway. *'Chief Thief Robin:' No violence, if you please. We're thieves, not muggers, and priests tend to be well in with the gods. Be subtle... if an adventurer can be subtle. See if you can pick his pocket for the key. Good luck. Father Urhney *'Father Urhney:' Go away! I'm meditating! *'Player:' That's a nice chalice. **'Player:' Aren't you afraid it will be taken in lieu of mortgage payments? ***'Father Urhney:' Are you here just to bother me? **'Player:' The bailiffs are coming! Quick: hide the valuables! ***'Father Urhney:' The thoughts I am entertaining about you are worth another three months' mediation, young man/lady. **'Player:' Can I have a look at that chalice? ***'Father Urhney:' If you must. It's in the display case over there. ***'Player:' I meant... a closer look. ***'Father Urhney:' It's only a couple of inches from the glass. ***'Player:' Can I hold it? ***'Father Urhney:' And get grubby fingermarks over it? I think not. **'Player:' Bye then. ***'Father Urhney:' Bah. ***'Player:' Hmm, I'll need something more urgent to draw his eye. Perhaps Robin can help. ***'Father Urhney:' What was that? ***'Player:' Mumble mumble mumble! ***'Father Urhney:' Quite. Fiendly Suggestion *'Player:' Father Urhney over in the swamp has the chalice in his hut, but I can't get the key off him. *'Chief Thief Robin:' You might have to engineer a crisis, then. Don't go setting fire to his house, though! A fire outside his window should do the trick. *'Player:' Is that not highly irresponsible? *'Chief Thief Robin:' Normally I'd say yes, but that swamp is so marshy there's little danger of burning his house down and rendering him homeless. There should be some nice damp wood in that swamp. Getting the Chalice *'Player:' Fire! FIRE! *'Father Urhney:' Oh, no! My house... that I built with my own two hands! *'Player:' Ha, now's my chance to pick his pocket while he's distracted... *You take advantage of Urhney's panic to lift a complex-looking key from his pocket. *'Father Urhney:' Accursed kids. Light a fire under my window? I'll teach them a lesson when I find them... *You quietly unlock the display case and remove the golden chalice from it. Finishing Robin *'Player:' I stole Father Urhney’s chalice! *'Chief Thief Robin:' You might want to deliver it, then. I’ll see you there. Darren Lightfinger *'Player:' I'd like to talk about the caper I'm doing for you. *'Darren Lightfinger:' Have you retrieved the chalice? *'Player:' I have! *'Darren Lightfinger:' Fantastic work! I knew I had chosen wisely when I recruited you. Now we can expand the guild and do some proper training around here. *'Player:' Your buyer is still interested, I hope? *'Darren Lightfinger:' Yes, of course. Why? *'Player:' Well, the chalice wasn't where you said it was, nor was the owner; I just wanted to make sure you had something right in all of this. *'Darren Lightfinger:' Ha! I do appreciate a sense of humour in my members. *'Player:' It wasn't actually a joke, to be honest. *'Darren Lightfinger:' To be honest? You don't want to be honest, you're a member of the Illustrious Thieves' Guild! Now get out there and make me proud... and both of us rich. 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